Heaven Is A Place On Earth
A Religious Self-Examination Experiment

FEELINGS TOWARD MY RELIGIOUS LIFE

My religious life began when I was a child. I grew up in a Christian setting and attended a Christian school. This provided me with the basic background for my beliefs. I was taught the ways of God and the rules and guidelines I was to lead my life by. As a child I did not question the church. Everything they told me to do, I did. Everything they told me to say, I said. There was no question in my beliefs. As I entered high school and college I was beginning to doubt the church and my religion. I began to take it less seriously. I stopped going to Sunday school and participating in the church activities. Church started to be the last thing on my mind. I started going out on the weekends and by the time Sunday came around I was too tired to attend the service. My parents would always wake me up to go but I would always give them excuses. At the time I had other things on my mind and religion was the last thing I thought about. I was much more concerned with going out with my friends and going to parties. Throughout ~ is same period I began to reflect on the church and religion and the importance in my life. While I was hanging out with my friends I saw a lot of drugs, runaways, bi-sexuals, homosexuals and alcoholics. I was very confused with myself and with society in general. I knew that there was a lot more to church and religion than just listening to the sermon, singing, giving money, and socializing, attending church never gave me advice on dealing with situations like these. They just said that it was wrong and that God doesn't like it. I needed to find out that there was a lot more than just the sermons I-hear-d. I needed to find out more about myself and learn what the Bible means to me personally instead of having it forced on me. The concept of religion is of great importance to me. I enjoy hearing different views on the subject. The concept of evolution is fascinating and I like to hear about it. I also took a few religion courses as well as philosophy. These courses discussed religion which was very interesting. I often spend a lot of time thinking about it. I try and imagine the world without all of societies conveinces, without cars, air conditioners, or buildings. I think about a more natural way of life. It is at times like this, when I am by myself at the beach, on a hike, or walking in a park that I experience a sense of belonging.

I feel good about myself and I feel like I have a purpose in life. My religious beliefs a constantly changing. I did not accept the scientific view of evolution before but now I tend to believe it. As I am exposed to different beliefs I adapt my thinking to what I believe is true. I am certain that I will find a way to achieve my personal religion and be satisfied with it. I do not know if it will differ that much from my -traditional religion which is Lutheran. All I want to find out is a belief that I am comfortable with. There are so many different religions that it doesn't seem proper that one is any better than the other I just do not feel good about having to choose a religious denomination. When I pick a church to attend I look at the kind of people that go there. Presently, I do not attend church and I do not associate myself in any church-releated activities.

ACTIONS TAKEN BECAUSE OF MY BELIEFS

I do uphold a moral code of my religion. I believe that the church is a place which gives support, love, and many friends. I enjoy this type of fellowship. I have a lot of close friends and I feel because of this community feeling, I have expressed this in my relationships. The church has given me morals which I accept and use. Racism is a behavior that I disagree with. The Bible says that God created everybody equal and I do believe this. I was attending a school in Texas where I was confronted with racism for the first time. I couldn't believe how ignorant people could be. The funny thing about it was that it was a Christian school. I do respect the church but when people abuse it I get very angry inside. I feel that it is very hypocritical when people get dressed up and go to church on Sunday and then treat black people different. I noticed this a lot in Texas. Everything was such a status symbol that even the church was used for personal purposes. I did not like this at all! This was one of the reasons why I did not attend any services on the mainland.

Another thing that happens a lot is my friends become "born again.'' But what does that really mean? They tell me that they are saved and that God has forgived them and that they are going to heaven. They tend to become very religious and try and convince other people to do the same, They change their entire was of looking at the world and the way they act. Sometimes I feel that it is simply and escape and a solution to their problems. I say this because most often my friends change their way of thinking when things go bad for them when they are confused about their relationships, family life, and themselves. One of my good friends became a "born again" and now she is off drugs. Another one of my friends became saved when she was going through personal problems. It was strange because she changed her-whole behavior. She had an answer for everything. God said this and God does that. Couldn’t believe how fast she changed. She even got up in front of school and gave her testimony. After awhile this whole thing blew over and she was the same. The funny thing is that she now does a lot of drugs. I think that this is very hypocritical. I do not like it when people do this and this also makes me question religion. So, if people use the church for their own means, where do I fit in? They use the church in a sense that it is an outlet. The people in it support them and make them believe in certain things. The church is everything, the people, beliefs, and the fellowship.

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